How to Profit from Stupid Spammers

Can you make money studying stupid people?  Emphatically yes!

OK, so  for anyone who ever thought spammers were clever,  I defy you to read this brilliant piece of spam I received and maintain your opinion:

Is it really possible that anyone who hasn’t recently ingested a fistful of Quaaludes would think this was NOT phishing and mistake it for a real email? (Or has such a large percentage of the population actually begun doing regular Quaaludes that it’s actually profitable for the spammer to take this approach?)

Wouldn’t you think the spammer, who was willing to go to all this effort to risk breaking the law, would just get an editor who spoke English to edit it first?

Well, there are a few business lessons here…

  • First, it MAY BE profitable for the spammer to send out such a message because a large proportion of time-starved people  don’t read the email at all.  They just glance at the brand name/logo, click the link, and there you go. (I didn’t click to the site of course to see what idiocracy happens there because I was frightened of viruses, etc).    Lesson for ETHICAL marketers?  You’ve got to attend to BOTH scanners AND readers in your emails and beyond.  Does your message pass the blink test? (Look at it for 2 seconds then look away… what do you come away with?)
  • Further, the economics of spam only require a very, very small percentage to respond.  This is the antithesis of the targeted marketing we’re all accustomed to thinking about.  Lesson for ETHICAL marketers?  It’s worth considering whether there’s a broad, relatively untargeted traffic strategy which might work in your market.  For example, suppose you pay $2/click bidding on targeted keywords and sell 1% for a CPA of $200.   Is it possible you could find a traffic source (think banners, email, CPV, etc) where clicks are voluminous at 20 cents, but you can only convert 0.1% (same CPA… but  greater volume)…
  • Last, the majority of criminals are lazy.  In fact, I think the reason they’re criminals in the first place is because the rigors of regular societal work are too much for them… they’re looking for the short cut, or the “lazy man’s way to riches.”  Which is why I don’t worry too much when I find someone has copied my copyrighted marketing and is trying to sell with it… oh, I prosecute them, but I don’t worry too much because I know they’re looking to copy FORM, and they can’t copy SUBSTANCE.  (Lesson for the ETHICAL marketer?  Be a person of substance… make your marketing not so much about the techniques you can implement but about the person you become by doing it and–all else being equal–you should wind up on solid ground)

Anyway, them’s my thoughts for the day.

What do you think?

Onwards and Upwards (if perchance occasionally sideways)…

Dr. G 🙂

PS – I’ll be opening my business coaching practice on January 1st, 2016 for one day only,
quite possibly for the last time.  If you’ve got any interest in working with me personally, please read the letter and get on the priority notifications list now.

PPS – Nothing within this message should be taken as encouragement to spam.  Intuit is a registered trademark of Intuit, Inc.  If you see a copy of the email above I encourage you to AVOID clicking on it as it is clearly phishing.  Also, NEVER pour hot coffee on your genitals, make threatening comments in an airport, do Ethel Murmen impressions in a biker bar, and/or pee facing the wind.