Love, Money, and Despair

Can how much you love yourself really impact how much you earn?

If you know me, you know I’m a left-brained skeptic who likes to play in the deep end of the numbers pool.   Everything I’ve ever accomplished  has been through intellect and fortitude.  I require logical proof for practically everything, especially incredible “touchy feely” claims.

So why would I risk sounding like a New Age nut case by writing a post suggesting you need to love yourself more if you want to earn more?

Because its true.  Or at least partially true. Here’s what I mean.

Just the other day I spoke with someone who had listened to an audio I produced 3 years ago.  I heard enthusiasm and a kind of quiet admiration in his voice, specific not only to what I had said in the interview, but how I had said it.

I realized,  just for that moment, he loved me.  Not just the message, but the messenger.  In fact, the message in the audio itself was a rather unremarkable and basic, though quite important.  (It was about managing your advertising by “visitor value”)

What WAS remarkable, however, was how the feelings I had the day I recorded the interview came flooding back.

I remembered the room where we did the recording.   (For the first time, Sharon and I had decided to record upstairs in the loft where things felt rather novel and there was a nicer view out the window)

I remembered Sharon looking genuinely interested in what I was saying.

I remembered feeling particularly settled, happy, and inspired.

I remembered feeling loved.

Now, here it was 3 years later, in the middle of what I considered to be a rather crappy day, and this caller instantly brought back all those feelings.

It then occurred to me to review my audios and their corresponding sales numbers, in comparison to what I recalled about having recorded them.  And then do the same thing with blog posts, emails, articles, etc.

Although I didn’t keep meticulous track of everything, and though it wasn’t the only factor, a very consistent and clear pattern emerged.

When I did the recording, writing, etc. in a state of  “loveability”, people sent more money my way.


I don’t think this means that you can just “love yourself” before you write your salesletters, record your audios and videos, etc., and expect the money to flow in.

No, you’ve gotta have a “point of difference”, something people really want and have trouble finding elsewhere in the market, talk to them in language which resonates with their needs and concerns, a well constructed irresistible offer, and consistent, repeated communication.

But all other things being equal, making the prospect feel loved will bring you more money than if the love isn’t there.

Which makes sense, because how can you make your prospect feel loved if you don’t love yourself?

One very important clarification.

Loving yourself doesn’t mean you have to be all smiles, content with the world, or completely absent of anxiety, depression, and despair.

Loving yourself means deeply accepting ALL your feelings as a part of being human, and communicating what you need to communicate to your prospects and customers from that state of being.

In fact, when you can really accept the negative, stressful feelings inside you, the ones everyone else runs from, and SHOW people you have the courage to remain passionately dedicated to life (and helping them with your marketing), people become more bonded to you than ever.

Because the one thing I can tell you from my days practicing clinical psychology is that everyone feels alone with at least some degree of  anxiety and depression… it’s just part of being alive which we don’t talk about in polite society.

I’m actually starting to think  I can open up a blog post and just cry my heart out, and as long as I can make it relevant to people’s marketing needs, I’ll get response.

And the strange thing is, when I do this, the money which results seems so unimportant.  The post becomes an end in itself, which is how I know I’ve gotten it right.

Writing this today makes me think of perhaps the ultimate example of “The Loveability Factor in Marketing”

In the late 1700s a man in Germany fell desperately in love with a beautiful but engaged woman.  She returned his feelings, but remained faithful to her fiancée and therefore rejected the man who, in turn, became deeply despondent and suicidal.

But instead of killing himself, he decided to write his story with passion.  And it wasn’t a book filled with joy and happiness, it was filled with suffering and despair.

But in doing so, he expressed his belief he was entitled to pursue worthwhile despite the intense rejection and horrendous feelings.  And you could feel that spark of life grow throughout the whole story… the more he poured out the stronger it became.

His book, “The Sufferings of the Young Werther” became a best seller, distributed far and wide, and gained him the attention of universities, rulers, and dignitaries.

The man’s name was Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

So for God’s sake, if you’re a marketer and find yourself happy, sad, exuberant, despondent, anxious, depressed, giddy, or exhausted… don’t keep it to yourself! (You’ll help your list, and you might find your bank account growing too)

What do you think?  Have you had similar experiences with your list?  Have you had the guts to try?  Please let me know in your comments below, I’m really curious.

Dr. G 🙂

PS – I AM feeling rather sad today because Sharon’s traveling all week and I miss her desperately.   I actually thought about getting on a plane myself to surprise her, but I can’t work it out. (Anyone who feels like sending her a “we’re thinking about you” message to help her get through the week can reach her on her Twitter account and I guarantee it’ll make her smile.  Much appreciated if you do)